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The World Is Burning But So Is My Toast

The World Is Burning But So Is My Toast

We’ve somehow managed to be the most progressive yet selfish generation.

Am I generalizing? Absolutely.

Am I internalizing? You betcha.

Just so I can avoid confrontation and personally attacking anyone, I’m going to keep this post directed at myself. Mostly. But just know that I hate you all. Except for Ryan Reynolds, he gets a Jake pass now and forever. That sounded way more sexual then I meant it to. Or maybe I did mean for it to sound sexual and my heteronormative tendencies are forcing me to suppress would what could be a beautiful and experimental state of mind in which I can push the boundaries of sexuality. Where was I? Oh yeah; here’s a rant about how I feel my generation projects an image of understanding and progressiveness while most of us are mostly vain and selfish.

Let’s look at Exhibit A:


I’m what you can call a quintessential Millennial. A shining example of someone who wears pray beads as a fashion accessory having no idea of their true meaning. Thinking about donating to NPR makes me feel like a better person. I read stories about the horrors of impoverished countries while wearing shoes that were made in said countries. Do I have a clock and compass tattoo like every other 30 year old who wears skinny jeans and complains about the service at dive bars? You bet your ass.

But I have on the occasion volunteered my time. I feel genuine compassion for those less fortunate than me and have on more than one occasion donated food to homeless shelters. I see and accept everyone for who they are or who they want to identify as. Does any of this make me a good person? Absolutely fucking not. If you’re doing good deeds and treating people with genuine human kindness only so society will perceive you as a good person than you’re not a good person. You’re just kind of a dick.

No one is ever going to be perfect and anyone who strives to be is going to live a stressful and unfulfilled life.

Go for a run then get blackout drunk afterwards who cares.

Eat veggies all day then go eat a slice of pizza. Gluten’s fine. I’m not a doctor but if bread is the thing that wipes out our species than we had it coming.

Be an asshole sometimes. Obviously not on purpose but if you don’t wanna text someone back or donate your extra change to a charity that you know nothing about when checking out at Whole Foods that’s your decision.

A couple of years ago when I lived in LA, I went on a rant about Millenials in an article I wrote. Goes without saying some of my acquaintances didn’t like what I had to say. I’d like to remind everyone that I’m a blogger, and if you take anything I say trustworthy news, then you shouldn’t be allowed to read. I’ve said this before in many of posts because it keeps happening:

“How dare you say what you said! Do you even know what you’re talking about?!”

“No, I don’t, I write an opinion and comedy blog.”

“There are so many problems is this world, can’t you write an article about the atrocities in third world countries?!”

“No, I can’t, I write an opinion and comedy blog.”

“Ugh, you’re the worst. Anyways have you bought your tickets to Coachella yet?”

“Isn’t that the music festival that’s owned by a man who’s an open bigot, anti LGBTQIA, and donated a bunch of money to the Trump campaign?”


I really wish this wasn’t an actual conversation I had with someone. I really…really wish that.       

I guess the point I’m trying to get across (very poorly I might add), is that you can be a good person, but don’t let the way society views you be the catalyst for your life. The only time I hear people say “I’m a good person” is when they’re blackout drunk in a bar apologizing to the bartender who’s cleaning their vomit off the counter.

Also they’re wearing a Jill Stein shirt and Nikes.

Don't Shit Shame Me

Don't Shit Shame Me